8 top truths for new moms – hint: your life will change!
You’ve been told about sleepless nights and colourful nappies, but that’s not half of it.
Being a new mom is both the hardest and the best job in the world. But how prepared are you? There are things that baby books, Dr Google and even your own mom may not have told you that can help you transition, if you’re prepared for them.
1. You’ll become a different “you"
Exhaustion, confusion and worry (“Is she breathing?” “Will he ever stop crying?”) can reduce the most competent, confident woman to a bag of insecurity, even tears, says Sister Conny Fraser, registered nurse and midwife, who runs the Baby Grow Clinic in Cape Town. “Raging hormones don’t help.” You will also be flooded with overwhelming tenderness and wonder. Those ups will carry you through the downs, making a richer, more understanding you in the long run.
2. Who are you?
You’ll miss the old spontaneous you who went shopping, partying or camping at will. Now just getting to the loo is a mission, and every outing becomes a logistical challenge, as you load up prams and diaper bags, and time in between feeds and sleeps. Relax: it gets easier with practice as you streamline what you truly need. “Learn to be free with your baby,” says Fraser. “Go shopping with them – soon you will develop a new sense of spontaneity.”
3. Feeding hurdles
Breastfeeding may not come as easily as you imagined. Yes it’s natural, but it can take days, even weeks to get right. Don’t give up; get help from an experienced lactation consultant – contact the La Leche League. We all know breast is best, but if in spite of your best efforts breast feeding is not for you, don’t beat yourself up: "Your baby can still survive and thrive," says Fraser.
4. Trust yourself
You’ll need to learn to trust your instincts. When you’re on new ground, it’s tempting to do what others tell you, but this can be highly contradictory even among well-qualified experts. “Try to take advice from one person who you trust and is up to date with current info,” urges Fraser. And go with your gut: if your baby cries, who cares if it’s been two hours since the last feed and a book said wait three. Feed them! With time you’ll learn to pick up on hunger cues before crying begins: finger sucking, reaching out with arms and legs…
5. Intimacy will take a back seat
You’ll have little time or energy for your partner. Exhaustion is only part of it: the love affair with your baby can be so all-consuming that may you have little inclination to cuddle with your partner. “Understand that a baby can be a huge strain on a relationship,” says Fraser. “Believe in your partner’s abilities as a parent and learn to discuss these issues as they arise.”
6. You’ll have no time or energy for you
Again, create time! It’s tempting to drift around in a fug of milky pyjamas, but take time to shower, put on clean clothes and eat healthily. Also, go outside regularly, even if only for a 10-minute walk around the block. It’s far too easy to slip into the blues if you don’t take care of yourself.
7. Stop sweating the small stuff
It can be hard for former high-flying perfectionists, but babies won’t care if their bibs and booties don’t match, or your hair roots are showing. “Babies have low expectations, so learn to relax,” says Fraser.
8. You’ll crave support
However independent and confident you’ve always been, you’ll feel better discovering other women too wonder if their baby’s vague squint will go, or if your episiotomy stitches will ever allow a proper sex life again. “Make friends with your clinic sister and join a new moms group or class,” Fraser advises. Supportive, understanding, like-minded company will help boost your confidence as a new mom. Most importantly, relax and enjoy this exciting time.
