How to deal with sibling rivalry
Constant bickering over anything from who gets the blue cup to whose turn it is to watch TV is enough send any sane parent over the edge. But sibling rivalry is normal – here’s how to handle it.
“Sibling rivalry is common in families as toddlers and children learn to navigate relationships and share their space, as well as their possessions,” says Peggy Shnaps, an occupational therapist at The Cape Town Therapy Hub.
While it’s true that continuous and excessive fighting between siblings could potentially result in anxiety and low self-esteem, resolving these disputes teaches children how to compromise and cooperate with others.
Causes of sibling rivalry
Studies have shown that sibling rivalry is often at its worst during the toddler years, particularly when there is a new baby in the house.
“The birth of a new baby might leave your toddler feeling insecure,” explains Sister Mariaan Fourie, a nursing practitioner at Clicks in Somerset West.
Your toddler may feel unsettled and worry that mommy doesn’t love them anymore, and they may act up and cause fights as a means of getting attention from you.
Dealing with sibling rivalry
Encouraging your toddler to help take care of the new baby is one way to prevent fights, suggest Sr Fourie. “Get your child to help feed the baby or assist with nappy changes, so that they feel proud of their contribution and become less likely to see the baby as competition.”
Ask your partner or another family member to look after the new baby for an hour, so that you can spend some quality time with your toddler. Watch their favourite movie with them while cuddling on the couch, spend some time colouring in with them, or take them out on a special ‘mom/dad and me’ date.
When it comes dealing with older children, first prize is to observe your children while they’re playing. “That way, you can anticipate when conflict is about to happen, so that you can intervene before things get out of hand,” suggests Shnaps.
“Organise family fun times that everyone will enjoy, and make sure that each child feels heard and as though their ideas are valid and meaningful.”
“Most importantly, as a parent, it’s vital that you remain calm and impartial at all times,” says Shnaps. “Be careful not to assign blame or show favouritism, and validate and affirm what each child is feeling so that they both feel heard.”
“It’s also essential that you give your undivided attention to each child, and that each child has the opportunity to play on their own, away from their sibling,” adds Shnaps. We all need a little alone time after all!
IMAGE CREDIT: shutterstock.com
