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22 - 24 months

Impatience and why your toddler finds waiting so difficult

10 March 2020 | By Vanessa Rogers

The authors of What to Expect – The Toddler Years say it can take a child until the age of three to be able to “wait a minute”.

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Until then, a minute can feel like a year to them and they will continue to demand whatever they want right now – a biscuit, or an out of reach toy – until they get it. Here’s how to help them overcome their overwhelming impatience. 

Understanding this stage of your child’s brain development 

Child-development expert, Dr Rebecca Chicot, explains that children under three do not have the same “brain hardware” as adults; in fact, their frontal cortex – which aids planning and the ability to wait for gratification – only begins to develop between the ages of three and five years of age. 

Whereas, by age three, they are normally able to distract themselves for a bit until you can attend to them or explain to them why they can’t have a third biscuit or play with an older sibling’s delicate school model; a two-year-old’s handle on time is still pretty vague.

Helping your child give context to time periods and waiting

It can, therefore, help for an adult to explain how long their child must wait for something by describing what will need to happen in the meantime. An example may be: “I know that you can hear the ice-cream truck bell but it still has to drive up the road and, in the meantime, we need to go upstairs to get some money.” 

While a four-year-old will trot along happily with you to get your purse, a two-year-old may still have a meltdown as a result of the delay. 

Four tips to help your child of around 22 months to develop a little patience 

Encourage your child to wait a little while for a treat or dessert, especially if it means they will first eat some bites of a proper meal. However, if they are very thirsty or tired, those needs should be taken care of straight away.   

A small child may adore that cartoon on TV which they get to watch each afternoon after lunch, but what if the power is off? Distract them with a story, game, puzzle or walk until the electricity comes back on again.

An hourglass filled with sand or alarm clock on on your cellphone can help them get the hang of a short wait. If you’re going swimming together after you’ve washed the dishes, let them turn the hourglass over and watch the sand drain through; or play the alarm and tell them this will go off again when you have had five minutes to rinse the lunch dishes.

Your own patience as a parent, nanny or teacher can help a child to develop some of their own. Many things that need to be accomplished throughout the day don’t have to happen on the hour – bathtime, bedtime, mealtimes and so on can all be approached with a measure of at least 15 minutes’ flexibility. So let your child finish a game they are enjoying before rushing them to a “serious” task.

Two important factors to keep in mind

Human potential expert, Nikki Bush, advises that there are two factors she raises with parents who are pulling their hair out regarding their two-year-old’s impatience. “The first factor is that they don’t have the word-power to communicate everything they are thinking and feeling. So they can get very frustrated because they can’t make people understand what it is that they want. And that can lead to tantrums and feelings of frustration and irritability.” 

Bush adds that parents need to learn to read their children’s very basic fundamental needs much better – which are essentially tiredness, hunger, thirst, boredom, leading to a desire for their parents’ attention.

“The second factor is that children these days often have a very empty emotional cup when it comes to contact with their parents,” she says. “So parents need to learn how to be creative with the limited time they have to spend with their children – how to make it count – and, therefore, how to fill their emotional cups by reconnecting with them effectively during this time. Remember, too, that children of this age often can’t say whether they are, for example, hungry or thirsy – so being prepared with bottles of water and healthy snacks on hand goes a long way,” she enthuses. 

Three questions you might not realise your toddler is asking

Another point Bush finds essential to raise in the toddler-impatience equation is that of the three non-verbal or subconcious questions that young children ask of their parents every single day. These are: do you see me; do you hear me; am I important to you? 

“If a child senses that they are low down on your priority list, they could get easily frustrated, irritated and eventually throw a tantrum,” she explains.

Working with a short attention span

As far as attention span is concerned, we need to remember that children are born with very short attention spands of around a minute and a half. So, by the age of two, they are still unable to concentrate on a task for longer than three minutes.

“The only way to get them to concentrate for longer,” Bush explains, “ is to take an active part in the playing or feeding process. Whatever it is that you are hoping your child will pay attention to, or is getting frustrated with, you are going to have to get involved.” 

She adds that once the two-year old reaches that three-minute barrier, and has not yet made a toy or game work as they were hoping, they are likely to lose their cool unless you are there to facilitate things for them and to encourage them.

“I think, in our busy lives, we have an over-expectation of what two-year-olds are capable of – leaving them to play on their own and keep their own company. They are not yet at a stage where they can either fulfill or express their needs themselves, and we need to be aware of this,” Bush concludes. 

IMAGE CREDIT: shutterstock.com

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