Is lack of sleep affecting your relationships?
Not getting adequate sleep is an inevitable byproduct of starting a family, but you will learn to cope; and remember it is not permanent.
Parents of young children often suffer from interrupted sleep, too little sleep and irregular sleeping patterns as they learn to accommodate the nocturnal needs of babies and toddlers – often at the same time. As we know all too well, lack of sleep has a variety of negative effects that impact our daily lives and the way we engage with others.
Don’t underestimate the importance of sleep
Author Tom Rath maintains that “sleep is an investment in the energy you need to be effective tomorrow,” and he makes a good point. After all, sleep is a critical component to daily functioning: health, wellbeing, moods, decision making, performance and safety.
How much sleep is healthy?
“The National Sleep Foundation recommends an average of seven to nine hours sleep of per night for the body and brain to regenerate,” says clinical social worker Andrea Sacks.
She adds that after prolonged periods of wakefulness or reduced sleep our neurons begin to malfunction, which can visibly affect your moods, cognition and behaviour. It also affects the amygdala, the part of the brain which ties emotions to memories.
Navigating a new chapter of your relationship
“The transition to parenthood requires well-integrated couples,” says Sacks. “The arrival of a newborn, the demands of a toddler or adding new siblings to a family can all amplify fractures in a relationship if these haven’t been resolved before adding children to the mix.
That said, couples who are able to negotiate proactively when facing new challenges will be able to adjust well; while those who have problematic communication patterns such as refusing to compromise, passive aggression and the like will find their problems exacerbated when combined with sleep deprivation.”
Practical solutions to help you get more sleep
The good news is that practical solutions can help the situation. “Reframe your thinking. This is not a permanent situation; it’s a phase of life and one which is well worth it,” Sacks advises. “Communication is key, it’s the glue of a marriage.
Couples do not need to be on the same page all the time, but they do need to see, hear, be empathic and validate themselves and their partners,” she continues.
Taking practical steps to ease the stress of daily chores is also helpful. “Cook in bulk and freeze meals where possible,” says Sacks. She notes that adjusting sleeping patterns to sleep while your toddler naps can alleviate some of the pressure.
“Ask for help – it takes a village to raise a child so accept help from trusted sources. In addition, talk to your partner about the impacts of parenthood and take time to catch up.”
Tips to help parents get better sleep
• Avoid eating heavy meals before bed
• Do not do stressful tasks at night
• Keep your bedroom conducive to sleep – quiet, dark and temperate
• Develop a ritual for sleep and practise it every night
• Switch all devices off an hour before sleep and avoid both coffee and alcohol.
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