Tips when visiting a new baby
A recent online post listing dos and don’ts from visitors has gone viral on Facebook. While it offended some, it struck a cord with many new moms. If you’re not one, you may well benefit from some tips before visiting!
1. Wait to be asked
Excited as a new mom may be, and keen to show off her little darling, she’s also invariably sore and sleep-deprived, trying to establish feeding patterns and the many new demands being on her.
Send flowers, message, say you’d love to see her and meet baby – then wait for an invitation, says registered nurse and midwife Des Meyer of Small Beginnings Baby Clinic in Durban North.
2. Always ring on the day to confirm the time still suits mom and baby
She may have been up all night, and may be feeling down. Also ask what you can bring: milk, bread, nappies… Be sure to bring treat for your tea, too, and a wholesome ready-meal for her fridge or freezer (veggie soup, a casserole) would be thoughtful – feeds and changing up to 20 nappies a day will leave her little time for cooking.
3. If bringing other gifts, simple and useful is often best
A soft toy or onesie (for six months or older, newborn sizes are outgrown all too soon) for baby, body balm or comfy socks for mom, or a bottle of wine or a slab of chocolate for her to share with dad. And if there are siblings, bring something small for them too (a sweet treat or toy).
4. If you have a sniffle, stay away!
Babies are particularly vulnerable to germs in the first weeks, says Meyer, and run-down new moms can be too.
5. Always wash your hands before touching baby
Ensure that your hands are thoroughly clean, and even as much as you may want to, don’t kiss them – particularly on the mouth, face or hands, which they often put in their mouths.
6. Don’t pick up or ask to hold baby unless mom offers
Newborns can be sensitive to perfumes, aromas and fabrics. If they start to cry, immediately hand them back to mom.
7. Don't make a fuss
If you’re spit up on, don’t make a fuss – babies are messy; wipe it up quietly and smile.
8. Play host
Don’t wait for mom to offer you tea. Instead, head for the kitchen and ask what she’d like to drink with the treats you’ve brought. “She has enough on her hands catering for baby without catering for visitors too,” says Meyer.
9. Play helper
If there are unwashed dishes in the sink, while she’s nursing baby quietly fill the sink and get going… If counters or floors need cleaning, she may well appreciate a hand with that too, but first ask if she would be OK with it – “Can I give the kitchen a quick once-over so you two can spend more time bonding?” Some moms may not like it. Use your judgment.
10. Give her encouragement, not advice
Praising baby and the job she’s doing will boost her confidence. If she comments on feeling tired, or baby not sleeping, don’t jump in with solutions unless she specifically asks for advice – she just needs some empathy, to feel understood. “Or offer to cuddle baby while she has a rest, if you have the time,” Meyer suggests.
11. If there are other siblings, offer to do something with them
Many new moms worry about neglecting them while focusing on baby. Just playing with them outside for a while or taking them to a park can be a treat.
12. Don’t stay longer than an hour
Mom will want to get back to giving undivided attention to her little one, and have all manner of things to do.
13. Don’t fret if mom doesn’t keep regular contact
“Accept that her priorities will be elsewhere until she establishes her new life,” says Meyer.
At press time, Canadian doula Tina Madelina’s post had been shared more than 126 000 times and received 86 000 reactions. Google: “Facebook Tina Madelina newborn”.
IMAGE CREDIT: Getty Images
