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22 - 24 months

Why is my toddler ignoring me?

10 March 2020 | By Lisa Witepski

Ever felt like you’re a stuck record, endlessly repeating the same instruction with absolutely no result? Toddlers are capable of displaying incredible selective hearing – and they’re well aware of the effect on their parents and caregivers.

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Why does my toddler ignore me?

The feeling of being blocked out and ignored is terribly frustrating – and, interestingly, that’s one of the reasons toddlers indulge in this behavior: they know exactly which decibel you have to reach before they have to listen to you or obey your instructions. 

Says Timann Esterhuizen, a parenting coach at Munchkins, “As parents, it’s our duty to teach our children to listen when we speak, and this usually goes hand in hand with first-time obedience. We usually start this conditioning at around 11 months. But, while you’re working on helping your child master this skill, they've already learnt to identify what the different tones of your voice mean. If they're ignoring you, it means they're listening out for the one that shows you mean business.”

What prompts this phase?

This behavior typically kicks in between 18 and 24 months, the age when toddlers start to experience a sense of independence and autonomy which encourages them to push boundaries. 

Munchkins parenting coach and occupational therapist Celeste Rushby explains that this is a normal developmental process; the problem, though, is that kids this age don’t have the wisdom, knowledge or skills to take control – which is why it’s critical not to give in to them. 

“This is a good time to start using age-appropriate choices to help them practice making decisions, but within limits,” she notes. 

For example, you could tell your child that it’s oats on the breakfast menu, but they can choose between cinnamon and banana as an accompaniment. Or ask them if they would prefer to wear their red jacket or the green. This is markedly different from saying “what do you want for breakfast?” or “what do you want to wear?”.

How to deal with a toddler that ignores you

“Anger doesn’t bring action; action brings action,” says Esterhuizen. Although your immediate response may be to shout, this takes the focus off what your child did - or didn’t do - and instead places your own behavior in the spotlight. 

“First time obedience is key to changing the habit of listening. After all, no one ever shouted at a child who listened the first time,” Esterhuizen comments. You can encourage this by setting a good example: listen to your child - put away your cell phone and be present - because children observe and absorb, copying your every move. 

IMAGE CREDIT: shutterstock.com

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