The effective disciplining of young children is one of the toughest aspects of parenting. On the bright side, child experts have greater insight than ever before into discipline styles that work and those best avoided.
Here are three common mistakes parents tend to make when it comes to child discipline.
1. Saying “don’t” all the time
Your little cherub has reached an age where their favourite activities are dangerous at worst, nails-on-a-chalkboard irritating at best. It’s at this point that saying “no” and “don’t” becomes entrenched in our vocabulary, but child experts warn that this establishes a negative communication style that’s ineffective in the long run. The words lose their power when over-used, and after a while your child simply tunes out.
Instead, try telling your child what you desire from them rather than what you don’t want. For example, instead of saying, “Don’t throw the water out the bath,” say, “Throwing water out the bath makes the floor messy and slippery. Please keep the water in the bath.”
2. Not implementing consequences immediately
“Telling a child that he will be disciplined later in the evening for a rule disobeyed in the morning has no impact,” says Anel Annandale, an educational psychologist in private practice in Cape Town. “Even if you stick to your threat and discipline the child later, he will have forgotten about his unacceptable behaviour earlier and will feel that you are being cruel and unfair. He is also likely to continue with this unacceptable behaviour in the future, as he has not fully made the connection between his actions and the consequences for these.”
3. Expecting too much from our children
Yes, it’s embarrassing when your two-year-old throws a tantrum in the shop, but she hasn’t yet mastered the art of being socially acceptable. And if it’s hot and she’s hungry or tired, the stage is set for an outburst of toddler proportions.
Try to understand her behaviour and find a way to diffuse the situation, like with a healthy snack or drink. Later when she’s calm you can talk about what happened and how you can work together to make the next trip a more pleasant experience.
When they’re completely out of control
On the other hand if your child is displaying behaviour completely inappropriate for their age, you’ll need to rethink your discipline style. Consult an educational psychologist or other child expert for advice if you are unsure how to proceed with age-appropriate discipline.
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