It seems like just the other day that you brought your sweet newborn home from the hospital. The memory is still fresh but your little one is no longer a baby, and perhaps not so sweet anymore either. The first encounter with aggressive behavior from your toddler always comes as a shock, but bites, smacks and angry outbursts are completely normal at this age.
“Keep in mind that before the age of about three years children don’t have the cognitive ability to fully understand their own feelings, never mind those of others,” says educational psychologist Anel Annandale. “They have not yet developed the capacity for empathy and so can’t comprehend how the other person feels when they’re hurting them – in a sense, it is thus clear that an aggressive toddler’s behaviour is largely unintentional.”
Should you let it go then? Definitely not. This is a good time to teach your toddler that aggressive behaviour is unacceptable. Here’s how:
Take a firm stand
“If you tolerate your little one hurting you, they will be led to believe that it’s okay for them to hurt others as well,” says Annandale. “Look your toddler squarely in the eyes and say in a calm, but firm voice: ‘No hitting’. Let them know that you are upset: ‘That is not allowed! I am angry at you for hitting me because it hurts,’ and then help them to verbalise their feelings, ‘I can see you are frustrated, but it is not okay to hit mommy’.”
Impose a time out
If your toddler is lashing out at friends, remove them from the scene and tell them they can return once they’re ready to play without hurting the other children. “By disciplining your child immediately and consistently they will soon begin to realise that this will be the consequence every time they hurt someone and hopefully this realisation will lead to improved behavior,” says Annandale.
Guide them towards appropriate behaviour
Communication is difficult for toddlers and aggressive behaviour may be their default when they’re feeling frustrated, angry or helpless. When your little one bites, pushes or hits, encourage them to rather “ask Sophie for a turn to play with the toy,” or “tell mommy you need help.”
Remain calm
Little people have big emotions. Be gracious and give them time to develop at their own pace. Avoid seeing their behaviour as a reflection of your parenting faults, and remember – this too shall pass.
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