Was your journey to motherhood quite deliberate or unexpected?
We relocated to Dubai straight after my husband Sipho and I got married. We knew we wanted to start a family and were ready. I wanted to be a young mother and planned to focus on my career later. Our daughters Zani-Lee (12) and Zaya-Rose (8) were definitely planned.
What kind of mother did you hope to be and how has that hope translated in reality?
Being a young mom meant I was able to be active and energetic enough to see the world through their eyes. I wanted to be fun because my mom was quite serious while I was growing up! I think I’ve managed to achieve this, but as they grow, the children’s personalities sometimes don’t allow you to fully be the mother you want to be. For example, I’m trying to maintain an open relationship with Zani but the more I do this, the more she pulls back, so I’m wading through that and adapting to who they are.
What’s your parenting style?
I’m the disciplinarian at home. Sipho just melts with his girls, but we balance each other quite well.
How do you feel about being a girl mom?
I love being a girl mom! In the past I used to want to have a son to continue the Dlamini family name but after having Zani I was set on having girls.
What’s been the most challenging stage of motherhood so far and how did you deal with it?
The current tween stage we are in now has been most challenging. I was told that between age 13 and 18 your kids might not like you [laughs]. I’m learning to be patient, sit in it and grow through it with my girls. They deal with a lot in school and are finding their place in the world, so I’m trying to exercise more grace and taking her lead.
What are the key things you’re teaching your daughters?
I need to teach them to be street smart, because our kids live a sheltered life and may get to the real world and have no idea what’s going on or how to fend for themselves. This is important to me.
What motherhood fears keep you up at night and how are you addressing them?
The world is a scary place these days, especially for women and girls. I worry about gender-based violence, and I worry about trusting that they are safe with who I leave them with at home or at school. Because of the realities we face, my kids don’t do sleepovers. Later in life I worry about them dating the wrong guys. I pray that what I am teaching is equipping them to be savvy, and that they know they can come to me for information about things they don’t understand, as well as for protection.
More celebs are keeping their lives private, especially their children. What keeps you sharing?
I want other parents to see real moments and to connect with me on that level. When you withhold too much, you get the sense that people don’t really know who you are. I love to connect and relate to the people that follow me.
Will Zani and Zaya join social media?
Because of our industry we’ve been open to them having their own social pages but we manage and vet them very carefully. Zani joined Instagram to keep in touch with friends during lockdown last year and we screen every friend request. Because social media is part of my work, I must say that has put them off a bit because they now also see it as work!
Tell us a bit about the organisations you’ve founded?
I founded #EndGirlHate six years ago, and raising girls prompted me to start. I needed to be the change. I am my daughters’ reference for how women treat each other and I wanted them to see that we don’t always have to get along, but we can be kind to others regardless. We host empowerment workshops and seminars with women and girls. Life Designed by Her (LDH) flows from this and focuses on helping women to level up in their careers on their own terms.