While the media is awash with information on how to spot the signs of breast cancer and how to reduce your risk factors, there’s often not enough said about what to do after the diagnosis has been made – and this is especially true for those hoping to be of some support or comfort to a loved one facing the daunting prospect of chemotherapy, surgery and further health uncertainties. Like any sensitive situation, showing your care requires thinking before you speak.
Before you... talk about yourself
“Let her talk and be a good listener,” says Shauna Botha, a two-time breast cancer survivor and Reach for Recovery volunteer from Bloemfontein. Everyone has a story about how cancer has affected them or someone close to them but for someone who has just been diagnosed and is probably feeling overwhelmed as it is, now is not the time for other people’s stories.
Before you… relay all those treatment horror stories
“Everyone responds differently to the treatment, so do no tell them all the horror stories,” says Shauna. ‘Tell them that everyone responds differently and not to listen to all these horror stories.”
Ilsa de Kock, another Reach for Recovery volunteer, adds: “As a breast cancer patient, I don’t appreciate people telling me of other patients who suddenly have a relapse after 20 years – it’s too close to home as it could happen to me.”
Before you… offer unsolicited medical advice
Treating breast cancer entails a team of highly trained and specialist medical professionals, not the advice from your friends or colleagues. As Jenna*, a breast cancer survivor from Johannesburg says, “I had one friend who insisted that I shouldn’t undergo chemo because it’s ‘poison’. That poison is the only reason I’m alive today!” The same, says Ilsa, goes for recommending strange diets and natural remedies, as deviating from their oncologist’s treatment plan may hurt more than it helps.
Actions speak louder than words
Each person is able to help meaningfully in different ways, says Shauna, whether you offer up your beautiful garden as a place of sanctuary, accompany the person to doctor or hospital visits, or be the contact person that gives others feedback. “This helps when you’re not feeling well after treatment and gives you time to rest,” she adds.
“In the beginning everyone is very supportive but the treatment is lengthy as you go for chemotherapy, surgery and/or radiation. Months after diagnosis life has moved on for others while your battle still continues. So the most supportive gesture I received was when someone delivered flowers to my house while I was halfway through my treatment, just to let me know that she was thinking about me,” says Ilsa. “I sat there feeling ill, my head bald and I was so just so touched and inspired.”
To find out more on how you can offer support, visit the Reach for Recovery website.
IMAGE CREDIT: Getty Images