More and more moms are having twins, and celebrities make it look easy and glam. But Beyoncé and Jay-Z, Amal and George Clooney and countless other Hollywood couples have endless access to assistance with everything from feeds, nappy changes, baths and laundry, to big houses and cars built to handle double prams. Most importantly, they have endless child-minding options to help them get their beauty zzzzs and keep their marriages on track.
The reality for the rest of us is that for the first months especially, caring for twins can be a huge strain physically, emotionally and financially. Research commissioned by the Twins and Multiple Birth Association in the UK found parents of multiples are more likely to wind up divorced, out of pocket and out of work. But it doesn’t have to be that way with some practical steps.
1. Establish a routine early on
Aim to get your twins into the same routine as soon as possible, says Marion Smith, national chairwoman of the SA Multiple Birth Association. Feed both at the same time. There are various ways to nurse both at once – for example, sit cross-legged on your bed between them, place each on a pillow, cradling their heads football-style and latch them.
2. Put them to sleep at the same time
Try pushing them in a double pram, swaddling them in their cot, or lying with them in bed or on a blanket on the floor with soothing music. If one fusses, cuddle them or pick them up and hold them; if the other starts up, put the first down and focus on the other.
3. Snatch naps whenever you can
Don’t hesitate asking for help to allow you to have an interrupted stretch whenever possible. “Many moms use night nurses,” says Smith, who places staff. “The nurses work 12-hour shifts and are expected to do sleep training and get the babies into a routine.”
4. Snatch small, frequent, nutritious meals
These will help to keep your strength up – cold lean meat, cheese, raw veggies, fruit, wholegrain sandwiches, hard-boiled eggs you can prepare ahead, suggests Cape Town dietitian Nadia Bowley. And keep hydrated; always have a bottle of water handy.
5. Work out regularly
Aim to get exercise most days, to keep your energy up and stress at bay. Walk the twins in a stroller, or find someone to babysit while you jog or swim. “Lots of moms join baby yoga or massage classes, and there are get-togethers, teas and WhatsApp groups for moms of multiples to discuss concerns and find support,” says Smith.
6. Be realistic
Keep expectations reasonable and be flexible: if you have Supermom standards, you can feel a failure, resent your twins so you feel guilty, and drift into depression.
7. Split the load
Share baby/home chores with dad: “Let him do it his way,” says Smith; encourage him with appreciation. Fathers often struggle with the strain of financial responsibility and having to share your attention.
8. Take finances in hand
“Parents of multiples over-spend badly,” Smith says. “There is very little you need two of. We have a second-hand page on Facebook, Moms of Multiples Resale JHB/KZN/Cape (for each major province), where parents advertise their unwanted items, and many items are new. Twins can share a cot for the first three months.”
9. Don’t forget you
Have a regular date night to keep the fire alive. “It’s very important,” says Smith, “Remember, parents of multiples have a high divorce rate.”
10. Take deep breaths
Know that parenting multiples gets easier, and enjoy your babies’ special bond. If you struggle, get help. Ask family or friends, or speak to your doctor, midwife or a counsellor.
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