It can be hard to find romance between nappy changes and feeds, and the love and cuddles of your baby can sometimes seem all you need. But it’s vital to feed your relationship with your special someone and keep the romance alive, says Gauteng counseling psychologist Karin Steyn.
Celebrating Valentine’s Day can be a good way to remind yourself of this, and start a habit of taking regular time out as a couple. “A healthy relationship ideally needs up to an hour’s attention a day, one day a week, and one week (a holiday together) every six months,” she says. “You need time to remember that you are two individuals who share a life together – to take an interest in the other’s life, make eye contact, have physical contact and work to create memories together.”
Keeping romance alive will make you a happier person, and a better parent. The most secure, confident, well-adjusted children come from homes where there is lots of love. “A healthy relationship provides a haven from which children can safely explore the world, learn to take risks and develop their potential,” Steyn says.
And part of parenting is teaching them about relationships and how people love each other. “Children need to see all the sides of love and commitment, from cherishing each other to being able to resolve conflict,” she says.
In addition, Psychology Today reports that studies show satisfying relationships are associated with better health and even a longer life – right up there with eating healthily, not smoking and getting enough sleep. So get on to it:
1. Book a babysitter
This can be hard on Valentine’s Day, when sitters too are likely to have plans, so consider celebrating instead on the day before or after Valentine’s – it will be easier to get reservations out, too.
2. Bring the romance home
Why not have a romantic picnic on the lounge carpet when you’ve put baby down. Or a sit-down dinner for two: put a table somewhere unusual – in the garden, or on a balcony or an apartment block roof (ask your landlord about access).
3. Order in
Place an order from your favourite restaurant or one of the many companies that now deliver (Google ‘home meals delivered’ and your city). As baby may not sleep on schedule, or may wake unexpectedly, safe options are things where timing and temperature are not essential – think an exotic salad starter, great sushi and a wicked desert.
4. Drink sensibly
If you’re breast-feeding, stick to non-alcoholic sparkling wine (essentially sparkling grape juice). Remember, the alcohol that enters your bloodstream also enters your breast milk, and even affect your milk let-down reflex. If you’re going to make an exception, time it for straight after a breastfeed, and have just one glass (150ml) – it takes about two hours for the alcohol to leave your body, says Catherine Day, a Cape Town registered dietitian and lactation consultant. Alternatively, pump and store your milk before having your drink, then feed your baby the expressed milk from a bottle.
5. Build the romance
Half the fun (and a major part of foreplay) is anticipation, says Steyn. “It builds your partner’s self-esteem to show them you’re excited about spending time with them, that you find them attractive and sensual.” So send romantic texts during the day as a reminder of your Valentine’s date, or slip a note into his pocket.
6. Set the scene
If you’re celebrating at home, shove nappies, toys and other baby paraphernalia out of sight, put on soft music, and set out tea candles (well out of baby’s reach, if she’s started to crawl) Then slip into something glamorous and sensuous – just a bathrobe can be good.
7. Take a trip down memory lane
While you’re taking time to put baby to sleep, look through your wedding or honeymoon photos or other shared romantic memories together, or watch a favourite romantic movie to get in the mood (Dirty Dancing, La La Land).
8. Once baby is asleep
Take a shower or bubble bath together. Then give each other a massage, and take it from there . . . Don’t forget to use protection, even if you are breast-feeding and don’t yet have regular periods – you can still get pregnant.
IMAGE CREDIT: Getty Images