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13 - 15 months

Tactics for tantrums

04 March 2020 | By Karen Nel

Do your toddler’s tantrums make you want to throw a tantrum of your own? Don’t worry – we have some advice from the experts.

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Most of us have been there – you’re in a public place and your child throws the kind of tantrum that results in you carrying them out kicking and screaming while everyone else looks on in disapproval or pity. The good news is that tantrums are perfectly normal in toddlers and they don’t mean that you’re failing as a parent. 

Tantrums are unpleasant – but, entirely normal

“It is entirely age-appropriate for children to throw temper tantrums between the ages of 12 and 24 months. It may not be acceptable behaviour, but it is typical of their age and development. Children of this age can’t yet fully verbalise how they feel and often don’t understand their emotions, so they tend to throw tantrums when they are frustrated, angry or even tired,” says parenting specialist Jacqui Flint from Happy Parenting.

Your reaction determines what happens next

The most important thing to remember is that your reaction to your child’s tantrums will determine how frequently they throw tantrums and how soon they learn to deal with their emotions. “Some parents give in to their children’s tantrums, just to keep the peace. Others will try to discuss, explain or negotiate with their children in the midst of a tantrum,” says Flint. 

Neither of these approaches is advised, as giving in just encourages more tantrums in future, and children are unable to listen to reason or explanations when they are in the midst of a meltdown. 

They need to calm down first.

So, what should you do when your child starts to kick and scream? 

According to Flint, it’s important to ascertain why your child is throwing a tantrum. If it is because they are tired or hungry then it’s best to address these issues by putting them to bed or feeding them. 

“If, however, it’s because the child is not getting what they want, then it’s best to walk away, provided your child is in a safe environment. Walking away means there is no one left to perform for. Tell your child where you are going and that they can find you there once they have calmed down,” says Flint.

What happens once they’ve calmed down?

Once your child has calmed down, Flint suggests dropping down to your knees so that you are on eye level with your child. This is when you can explain the situation to them calmly and acknowledge their strong feelings, for example,“I can see that this really upset you, but you can’t scream at me when you are upset”. 

“Children need to apologise for their tantrums, but they should also understand why they are apologising. Ask them why they are saying sorry and then, if necessary, explain why their behaviour was unacceptable. Remember that it is very important to scold the behaviour and not the child,” says Flint.

Finally, remember that dealing with tantrums takes time and patience. “It’s like teaching a child to say please and thank you. You have to keep repeating yourself and it will eventually pay off,” she says.

IMAGE CREDIT:  shutterstock.com

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