Is my baby adjusting to daycare?

Leaving baby at daycare can be challenging as you adjust to being apart and learn to trust that their caregivers will give them the care and attention they need. How can you tell that baby is happy?

Signs of positive adjustment

• Increasingly calm drop-offs and pick-ups

“Separation and adjustment to another caregiver and environment is a major transition, but manageable for a baby,” says Dr Caron Bustin, a Durban child and education psychologist and past teacher and principal. It’s normal for baby to be tearful and clingy at first, as they can struggle with separation anxiety and change, as they encounter new surroundings, carers and routines. As they adjust, they should start going in happily each morning, settle down without excessive fuss, and may be relaxed and cheerful when you collect them – though possibly tired after a long, busy day.  “Some tears are to be expected when you come to collect and would be quite commonplace,” says Dr Bustin. “Just be aware of any changes in your baby that may have not existed before starting daycare.” 

• Engagement in activities

They are engrossed in play when you fetch them – initially on their own, alongside others, then with others, as they mature and learn cooperation and social skills.

• Comfortable relationships 

They are reliably soothed by carers and form increasingly secure attachments to them. They are content to be with them and other children, glad to see them, and there is noticeable warmth between them.

• Stable routines

Back home, their eating, sleeping and toilet routines are as usual.

• Developmental progress

They show curiosity and explore their environment at daycare and at home, share with you the things they have done or made (if old enough), and meet their milestones. “Gradual improvements in language development, motor abilities and problem-solving will show they are learning, which suggests they are emotionally secure,” says Dr Shireen Mohamed, a Durban educational psychologist, neuropsychologist and family mediator. Adds Dr Bustin: “A secure infant will show a desire to be stimulated and to explore and learn and will adapt to the changeover from home to daycare once the routine is predictable and consistent. Be prepared to focus on your infant when you collect them and get home in the early days.”

Causes for concern

• Persistent distress

Like adults, little ones can have bad days when they seem upset or act out, possibly due to tiredness, hunger or a small change in routine, says Dr Mohamed. “But if after several weeks they still cry intensely and are excessively clingy when you drop them off and fetch them, it calls for investigation.” Adds Dr Bustin: “On average most little ones take two to four months to adjust and this will be improved by keeping your routine constant and the home environment stable. Too many changes at the same time will undermine their sense of security. Too many variables in the environment are likely to trigger some distress signals.”

• Mood or behavioural changes 

They become unusually quiet and reclusive, or agitated or frustrated at daycare or at home, and may wake with nightmares, or have physical complaints (tummy aches, headaches). Throwing tantrums at home can be a sign that their emotional needs are not being met during the day – they are ‘dumping it out’ in a safe space, possibly because the daycare has unreasonable expectations, or too many children to give them proper attention. “But there could be many reasons,” says Dr Mohamed. “It could also be a sign of developmental difficulties.” 

• Disrupted routines

They show major changes in their sleeping, eating or toilet habits.

• Regression

They lose skills, having accidents if potty-trained, reverting to thumb-sucking or a dummy, or no longer sleeping through at night.

What to do if you are concerned

1. Communicate

It’s vital to have regular open communication with caregivers from the outset, says Dr Bustin. Express any concerns and get their perspective, then try to identify and deal with potential problems together. If still concerned, speak with your child’s healthcare provider, and with other parents at the daycare. Stop by unannounced to get a feel of how caregivers are interacting with children and managing their day.  

2. If the daycare seems fine, be patient

Some adjustments can take weeks. Look for gradual improvement over time, with only occasional setbacks.

3. Trust your instincts as a parent

If something feels off and your child is unhappy, they could be better off at a different daycare – this one may just not be the right fit. However, if it seems poorly run or resourced, or there are issues with carers, or perhaps a high ratio of children to caregiver, then alert the authorities as other children too may be at risk. 

4. Know these red flags

Never ignore sudden persistent nappy rash, unexplained bruises or cuts, unusual shyness or fear, fear of a specific daycare worker or employee, urinary tract infections, or unusual genital discomfort, say both psychologists. You can lodge a formal complaint against daycare with the South African Human Rights Commission, 011 877 3600 or email [email protected]

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