Teach your kids these safety tips

As a parent, you’ll do whatever you can to keep your child out of harm’s way when they’re in your care. But it’s practically impossible to watch them every moment, especially when they get older and become more independent. “Empowering your child to recognise a dangerous situation quickly and stay alert can safe their life,” says Cape Town-based founder of the Advanced Conflict Training (ACT) Personal Safety Company, Keelee Arrowsmith. 

“Talking openly about potentially dangerous situations and teaching them how to recognise them and respond appropriately is key,” says Arrowsmith. “However, the messages should be consistent, age appropriate and taught in a fun, positive way,” she adds. “Laying the right safety foundations when children are young, such as checking with you first before talking to a stranger, will allow you to easily expand on these concepts as they grow and mature.” Here's how to keep your child safe in the following wary situations:

Scenario 1: Your child is approached by a stranger

It’s difficult to teach little ones between the ages of two and five the concept of “stranger danger” as most children can’t distinguish between a real stranger versus someone they’re familiar with. For instance, your child may see the teller at the grocery store more often than some family members and think they’re safe to interact with. If your child is with you, it’s fine to let them say hello to new people as you’re there and will protect them. 

However, if they’re approached by a stranger without you present, that’s a different story. Child abductors may go out of their way to look friendly and approachable so it’s important to teach children to trust their instincts and to take note of people’s actions and behaviours, rather than their appearance alone. If anyone makes them feel uncomfortable in any setting, teach them to walk away immediately. Children as young as three can start to recognise when something or someone feels “off”. 

“One of the best self-defence tools a child has is their voice” says Arrowsmith. “If someone is trying to coax your child to walk with them or get into a car, teach them to say a firm ‘No!’ and scream as loudly as they can, saying something like, ‘Help me, this person is trying to take me!’ Practice various scenarios together and let your child experiment to see what they’re comfortable saying and doing.” 

Social worker and child protection advocate at Evexia Psychiatric Day Hospital, Kgomotso Mangolela believes that children should never walk alone, even in their neighbourhood. “Although it’s a sad reality, children also need to know that even people close to them can harm them. If any adult is making them feel unsafe or uncomfortable, it’s crucial that they know they can speak to you as their parent or any trusted adult such as a teacher or caregiver,” she says. 

Safety devices 

While there are personal safety apps on smartphones that can be activated in case of an emergency, personal panic buttons work better for younger children, especially since cell phones are one of the first things to be taken in an abduction. 

The SAFER Panic Button is a small stand-alone device that can be worn around your child’s neck, kept in a pocket or attached to a backpack. In case of an emergency, all your child needs to do is press the button for two seconds and the green light will change to red. This will immediately alert the nearest emergency response team who will locate your child quickly as the panic button is trackable. Take note, the panic button needs to be linked to a SAFER subscription to access the emergency response platform. 

Other useful safety devices: 

• An anti-lost wrist strap 
• Safety Angel GPS Guardian watches, with built-in panic button, voice or video call and live location  
• Buddy Tag wristband is ideal for younger kids who may wander off. Comes with live tracking, a proximity alarm system, panic button, child ID details and is linked to an App.

Scenario 2: Your child gets lost in a mall, at the beach or in a crowded place

Losing sight of your child in a public space happens more often than you think. While you can never be sure how your little one may react in the moment, the best thing you can do is teach them to stay calm should they ever be separated from you. 

“Teach your children to recognise information desks in malls or staff in a store, security guards or lifesavers on the beach as well as how to approach them,” advises Dr Bev Evangelides, Early Learning School Headmistress at Reddam House, Waterfall. Public spaces are tricky and young children have not yet developed the skills to know who to trust, so your best bet is to help them identify those in uniforms or with name tags. Next time you’re out and about play a game with your child and see how many name tags or people in uniforms you can spot.

“For older children who may get lost, suggest picking a store or central point to meet at, before you get to the mall. Discuss which store is easiest for your child to find and next time you go to the mall, make sure they know where the store is,” adds Arrowsmith. 

If your child gets lost on the beach and there’s no lifeguard in sight, they could approach another family with children and explain that they’re lost. “Discuss the pros and cons of approaching various people in different settings,” says Arrowsmith. “Ask your child if they’d feel safe going to someone who is working behind a till, or how about another mother with her child? This type of discussion allows their intuition to kick in.” 

What to do in a crisis

It’s important to stay focused and avoid telling those who wouldn’t be able to assist because this can cause more harm to your child, especially if it’s a suspected kidnapping. If your child gets lost in a mall or public place, Mangolela says you should: 

• Report your missing child to the authorities such as centre management or police immediately if they’re lost in a public place.
• Report the incident to the nearest police station or contact the nearest Department of Social Services.
• Call Childline – they have toll free numbers to call. 

Sharing essential information 

Most children from age four can start to memorise your phone number and possibly another number such as your partner’s or a close family member’s and your home address. By age five, they should have no problem repeating your phone number back to someone they trust. They should also know their full name and surname as well as yours. However, it’s necessary to teach them who they can and can’t share these details with, says Dr Evangelides. A random stranger is never a good idea. A person in uniform is a better choice. 

“Try help them remember this essential information in a fun, interesting way that appeals to their senses, such as through songs, rhymes or writing/drawing pictures. Chanting information in a rhythm is also effective,” she adds. 

Scenario 3: Someone your child knows becomes inappropriate 

According to the Optimus Study on child sexual abuse and maltreatment in South Africa, “One in every three young South Africans has experienced some sort of sexual abuse by the age of 17.” And, sadly in most cases the perpetrator is someone the child knows. 

To help prevent this from happening, start discussing the concept of boundaries with your child as soon as they’re able to grasp the concept (from around age three). 

Start by teaching them the ‘robot’ where body parts are classified according to: 

• The red zone – no touching.
• The amber zone – Asking your child if they’re okay with people hugging or comforting them, patting their shoulder, or reassuring them. 
• The green zone – Offering more personal space to the child. Adults to comfort through words or encouraging gestures, for example a thumbs up in a calm manner.

You also need different boundaries for various groups of people, says Arrowsmith. Explain to your child that they still need to have boundaries with extended family members and people they know. “Ask your child who or what makes them feel safe and why? Conversely, ask who or what makes them feel unsafe. This will help you to see the world from your child’s perspective. Using specific examples also ensures the lessons stay relevant.

If someone your child knows makes them feel uncomfortable, teaching them assertive skills like learning how to say no and mean no without being afraid will go a long way. “Every school should also let children know that there’s always someone they can turn to such as a counsellor or class teacher should they need help,” says Dr Evangelides. 

Did you know? 

Children are protected by the South African constitution and it’s their human right to feel safe and comfortable around people. If your child or any child you know feels unsettled or uncomfortable around an adult, they need to talk to someone immediately or call Childline 116, which is toll free. 

11 Signs to watch out for

Suspect your child may have been through some sort of trauma caused by another adult? Mangolela highlights a few common signs/behavioural changes to watch out for:  

• Eating too much or too little
• Being overly emotional such as crying for no reason
• A change in sleeping patterns such as difficulty falling asleep or having constant nightmares
• Being clingy or isolating themselves 
• Feeling irritable or finding it difficult to follow rules or instructions
• Experiencing sudden anxiety or fear of familiar places 
• Avoiding those they used to love or feel close to
• Showing a lack of interest in the activities they used to enjoy doing
• Older children may have a constant awareness about their looks
• Displaying a lack of self-care, not wanting to get dressed, brush teeth or bath
• Feeling lonely or helpless.  

How to help your child after a traumatic event

If your child has been through a traumatic event, it’s only natural to feel emotional about it and want to help them straight away. But the most important thing you can do is stay calm, advises Mangolela. 

“Assuring your child that you’re there is essential as it creates a safety net for them. Also, acknowledging that you’re a team and you’ll get through it together is key because it’ll help your child feel less alone and more understood,” she adds. 

IMAGE CREDIT: Getty Images