Why does my toddler fake cry?

Your little one sounds like they’re crying… But really, they are pretending to cry. Sometimes the ‘crying’ will be put on pause to glance in your direction, and if they notice you watching, they continue. And if you look away for long enough or if you give them what they’re asking for, they magically stop ‘crying’.

Does this sound familiar? You’ll be comforted to know that yours isn’t the only child to do this. You’ll also be happy to hear that it’s completely normal behaviour for toddlers. 

“There is no specific age that babies start ‘fake crying’, but it typically begins between seven and 18 months of age, often peaking around 18 months,” says Dr Shereez Simmons, a developmental paediatrician in Bloemfontein. She adds that this occurs most commonly between the ages of 12 months and three years. 

Why is my toddler fake crying? 

“Your toddler is figuring out how the world works and how to communicate their needs, says Dr Simmons. “Fake crying is a sign of cognitive and emotional growth. Children are testing boundaries, learning how others respond, and finding their place in social interaction.”

“This is a communication tool, even if the child might not know exactly what they are trying to communicate,” says Dr Simmons, adding the below as possible reasons for this behaviour:

Seeking attention:

• They may try to get attention or a reaction from their parents or caregivers
• They could be asking for a specific need to be met or alerting you of any discomfort.

To get what they want:

• They might hope the cry will get the parents/caregivers to give in to their demands
• It could be to avoid doing something (e.g. they do not want to go to bed, so they use it as a stalling tactic).

To test boundaries: 

• They use it to test limits of parents/caregivers and to experiment with cause and effect.

To seek comfort or reassurance:

• They might feel overwhelmed or insecure and use fake crying to seek comfort.

Do not know how to express themselves:

• They might not have the words yet to express that they are frustrated, hungry, tired or overstimulated, for example, and could use crying as means of communication.

How should parents and caregivers react to this behaviour?

When your little one starts fake crying, it’s important to avoid reinforcing the behaviour and, instead, use simple, toddler-friendly ways to respond. The aim is to keep things calm and teach them emotional skills, says Dr Simmons. You can follow her guidelines:

• Stay calm and use matter-of-fact language. “Fake crying is a performance, so try not to overreact. Say something like: ‘I see you’re upset. Can you use your words to tell me what you want?’ This shows you see them, but you’re not giving in just because of the drama.”

• Call it out gently (if they’re old enough). “If your toddler is closer to three years old and fairly verbal, you can acknowledge the behaviour in a playful or light way.”

• Give them words to use. “Often, fake crying comes from not knowing what to say. Help them by modelling language.”

• Praise real communication. “When they express themselves without the fake tears, give them lots of love.”

• Check for hidden needs. “Sometimes what looks like fake crying is a sign they’re tired, hungry or overstimulated. Meeting the underlying need can sometimes stop the behaviour before it gets worse.”

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