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How to cope with painful postpartum sex

New moms can experience pain during sex. Here’s what to do if you’re one of them.

24 January 2017
by Glynis Horning

Nine out of 10 new moms experience pain the first time they have sex after giving birth, according to a study in the British Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology. And almost a quarter reported that sex was still painful 18 months later.

It’s good to understand exactly why you may hurt: Your vagina has been stretched, and often torn or cut and stitched, or your abdomen has been cut for a Caesarean section. Hormones are also inhibiting your natural lubrication (especially if you’re breastfeeding), and keeping your vaginal tissue thin.

You’re also sleep deprived, and your body image is invariably low, with a post-baby belly, stretch marks and leaky breasts. Having sex is probably way below ‘sleeping’ on your wish list after having a baby. But don’t let tiredness and discomfort keep you from sex for too long, say the experts.

How to cope with the pain of postpartum sex

A close, loving relationship between you and your partner is important for you and your baby, and intimacy is a part of that, so you and your partner need to take action to deal with the pain of postpartum sex before it takes a toll on your relationship.

“Men often feel ‘left out' or even jealous of the connection between mother and child,” says clinical sexologist and relationship counsellor Dr Leandie Buys. “It’s important you include the father in the bonding process and ensure he feels just as loved and appreciated as before the birth. And he must ensure he expresses his love and support for you as a new mom. Men’s attraction to their partner rarely decreases after pregnancy. New fathers often feel a deepening sense of love and respect for their partners and see stretch marks etc. as ‘battle scars’ to be proud of.”

Here is helpful advice for tackling this issue head-on:

1. Talk with your partner. Explain your concerns about sex, and spoon and cuddle until you are ready to have it again.

2. Get a medical all-clear for penetrative sex. Most gynaecologists suggest waiting at least a month before having penetrative sex. Any earlier, and lochia (post-birth discharge) can make it messy and leave you open to infection; and if you had a C-section, the cut will still be healing. “Aim to try having sex before your six-week check-up, so you can report specific problems to your doctor,” says Buys.

3. Address problems individually and proactively. For example, tackle dryness with lots of lubricant, and enjoy slow, gentle foreplay.

4. Know when the pain should be over. Know that the discomfort caused by stitches will take time to resolve, but if you are still in pain after four or five months, tell your doctor: you may benefit from corrective surgery. C-section scars can be worked with massage after three months, to help tissue become softer and more pliable. 

5. Identify if you have problems with your pelvic floor. Problems with your pelvic floor can range from a sense of vaginal heaviness and incontinence to full-on pelvic-organ prolapse (when organs like your bladder drop and push against your vagina). These too may require surgery, but physiotherapy treatments, including internal massage, can also help. “And so can doing Kegel exercises at every opportunity,” says Buys. (Clench the muscles around your vagina, hold for a count of five, and repeat, as often as possible.)

6. Remember to use birth control if you don’t want back-to-back pregnancies. It’s a myth that breastfeeding makes this unnecessary. “Most gynaecologists recommend condoms or progestin-only pills,” Buys says.

7. Get in the mood. If possible, have someone take baby for a few hours to spare you waiting tensely for a hungry cry. Relax in a hot bath, ask your man for a massage and perhaps a glass of wine. Then read or watch something sexy together. “Relaxation is extremely important for increasing libido,” says Buys.

8. Guide your man. Let him know what feels good and what doesn't.

9. Experiment with different ways of pleasuring each other. Woman on top or side-by-side sex can help you control depth and pace. “The birth of a child can have a positive effect on your sex life because if forces you to find other ways of pleasuring each other, emotionally and physically,” says Buys.

Low as sex may be on your list of priorities right now, it’s one of the most important things you can do for your relationship, and for the stability and happiness of your little family.

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IMAGE CREDIT: 123rf.com