“I started taking over-the-counter painkillers containing codeine in 1994, when a specialist prescribed four tablets a day to alleviate the pain from a serious back condition. I found that the pills had a pleasant, numbing effect, so I'd also take them whenever I felt anxious or upset. When my father was diagnosed with incurable cancer, they were just the thing to ‘take the edge off’ my stress and sadness.
By the end of the nineties I was taking up to eight tablets a day. I didn't consider myself dependent, but I consulted a doctor because I wasn’t feeling well. She referred me to a behavioural psychologist who weaned me off the medication, but not completely. I'd take a few pills on and off to help me through difficult patches.
It was easy to hide my addiction
“I was self-employed and worked from home, and in 2010 I took on an extremely challenging client. I began using painkillers regularly to help me cope with the stress.
It was easy for me to hide my addiction: I lived alone and had no extended family close by. All the same, I'd cut up the foils from the tablets and throw them in different dustbins. I was secretive, aggressive and irritable. A couple of old friends commented on my antisocial behaviour and mood change, but they assumed I was depressed, which was probably true.
It was time for a radical change
“Things came to a head one morning in 2013. I’d just lost my client because of a serious mistake I'd made. I was in a state and had been taking an excessive number of pills. All of a sudden, I couldn't move. I was terribly afraid, especially when I faced the truth that I had already taken 16 tablets, and it was only 11am. I went back to the psychologist who said she couldn’t help me unless I was clean.
It was time for a radical change. I moved to my father's Cape Town flat and signed up for the out-patients' programme at Life Matters treatment centre in Sea Point.
A slow journey to recovery
“The first and hardest step was the detox, which I had to do at Kenilworth Clinic. The physical and emotional pain of withdrawal was immense. But once that was over, I started the slow journey of recovery. I attended group sessions every second day at Life Matters, where experienced, compassionate counsellors saved my life.
Codeine addiction is similar to heroin addiction
“It was a shock to me to learn that the codeine in the painkillers I was taking is not that different from heroin. It’s highly addictive and dangerous. My liver was badly damaged, but even though I'd known on one level that I was in trouble, I never researched codeine or acknowledged that I was an addict. Had I not sought help I would eventually have killed myself.
I've been clean for more than two years now. I know what my triggers are and when I feel the craving for codeine painkillers, I ask for help. I practise mindfulness, which I find helpful, and I see a physio and do exercises to keep my back strong. I seek people out now, and am much more sociable.
My advice to others: read labels on medication, and know what you’re taking. And if you have a problem, don't leave it too late. There are skilled people who know how to help you.”
Get help
If you need help with addiction, call Narcotics Anonymous on 083 900 6962 or visit na.org.za
* Not her real name
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