Every parent’s been there – desperately trying to calm down a screaming child in the supermarket, to no avail, while onlookers stare and shake their heads…
Years ago, a tantrum would have been met with a quick smack on the backside. Today, those same onlookers would likely phone the police if you were to get physical. And they wouldn’t be wrong. Research shows that corporal punishment can do more harm than good: A new meta-analysis of 50 years of research by the Universities of Texas and Michigan in the US, found that the more children are spanked, the more likely they are to defy their parents and experience anti-social behavior, aggression, mental health problems and cognitive difficulties.
But discipline is certainly also a necessary step in raising a well-adjusted child.
What, then, are your options?
Dr Andri Burger from Synergy Psychological Services in Johannesburg and Pretoria, agrees that spanking is the wrong move. “Studies have repeatedly shown that spanking has a significant negative effect on a child’s development. And it may have a high rate of immediate behaviour modification, but it becomes ineffective over time.”
Dr Annemarike de Beer warns that spanking is also not the only negative form of discipline. “Shouting or yelling at your child, being inconsistent or making empty threats, ignoring your child, and even avoiding discipline altogether could also have a detrimental effect.” She says discipline teaches appropriate behaviour. “It shows a child that choices have consequences. By being consistent in the ways you discipline, you also create a safe and predictable environment for your child, which will make them feel secure.”
Just remember that the punishment should fit the crime, says Dr Burger. “First warn your child that their behaviour is unacceptable and give them a chance to make a better choice. Say something like: ‘I can see that you want to play with that vase, but it’s not for playing with. If you touch it again, you can’t watch TV tonight.’ Then reinforce good behaviour, and be consistent in punishing the bad.
Disciplining different age groups
Dr Burger says these techniques have been proven to be the most effective:
18 months to 3 years
Redirect their attention, offer rewards for good behaviour, use time-outs (one minute for every year in age), and give your child verbal instructions.
4 to 12 years
The same as above, but as they get older you can start taking away privileges (toys or technology time) or grounding them.
Adolescents
Positively reinforce good behaviour, give clear rules and verbal instructions, ground them, make them do chores for bad behaviour, and withhold privileges.
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