Ways a caring partner can help during pregnancy

Carrying a new life and contemplating the responsibilities it will bring can make pregnancy as daunting as it’s exciting. By being there for your partner and showing love and support in different ways can reassure them – and even help reduce their risk of post-partum depression, according to an analysis in the Journal of Affective Disorders.

Take an interest in the pregnancy from the start

Educate yourself about the changes in their body and the development of your baby by going online or downloading a free App such as Sprout or My Pregnancy & Baby Today. This will help you to feel involved throughout, and to understand what your partner is going through.

Attend antenatal classes and scans and as many other gynae appointments as you can, or check in with your partner about how it went.

Provide support, from pregnancy to birth

Give physical support by relieving your partner of whatever household chores you can – pregnancy can be exhausting, even in the comparatively “energetic” second trimester. Step up by doing dinner, dishes and shopping. Run a bath and give them a massage to help keep stress at bay.

Also provide emotional support by providing a non-judgmental ear for them to vent to, and a loving shoulder to lean on, as hormones and moods fluctuate. If you have concerns of your own about being a good parent and being able to provide for your child, share your feelings too, so you can support each other. Be encouraging and upbeat. “Remember that it’s a shared journey and you’re in this together,” says Durban psychologist Rakhi Beekrum. “If you’re not sure what your partner needs, ask.”

Support your partner's lifestyle changes, as they have perhaps quit smoking or drinking, and is working at eating sensibly and exercising for peak pregnancy health. By making such changes with your partner – and going for walks, you can encourage them – and start parenthood in great shape. You will also be giving your child the best start in a healthy body, and a smoke-free home without the tensions that can flow with alcohol.

Reassure and support their choices

Discuss what kind of birth your partner would like, so you can advocate for it when they are in the throes of labour or under anaesthetic for a Caesarian section.

Talk to your baby from the start, and put a hand on your partner’s belly to feel baby once movements start, to help the three of you bond. After birth, your familiar voice will be comforting for baby.

Keep reassuring your partner that you love them and find them beautiful – big belly, puffy ankles and all – and that you still find them desirable. If your partner feels like sex, remind yourself that it won’t harm the baby, even in the final weeks, unless there are specific medical reasons to desist. But understand that they may well just want to spoon and cuddle.

Pack a baby bag, just as your partner does, but in yours have a camera, batteries and extra airtime, along with a list of people to break the news to after the birth. Think of including a gift for your partner, even just their favourite chocolate.

Get professional help should you need it

If either of you suffers from depression, or if you have relationship problems, consider individual or couples therapy before baby arrives. “Many first-time parents don’t realise the impact of adjusting, exciting as it may be,” says Beekram. “And couples sometimes assume that a baby will solve existing relationship problems. The reality is that it only gets worse. Getting help earlier on also reduces the likelihood of perinatal depression.”

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